Napoleon came home from war
 And grumbled to his court,
"Although I love my Josephine,
 She always sells me short.

"If I should speak of battles won
 Or conquests made anew,
She only looks amused and says,
 'So… what else did you do?'"

He placed his hand inside his coat
 And pressed against his shirt,
"I swear, her condescending tone
 Just makes my stomach hurt.

"We never quite see eye-to-eye
 At least without a stool,
Yet for her sweet beguiling smile
 I'll play her lovin' fool.

"Oh, what a wrenched man I am
 To suffer her demands
I am the Emperor of France
 But putty in her hands.

"Perhaps someday I'll seek divorce
 That's something I'd abhor!
But as for now, to let off steam,
 I guess I'll start a war."