I ordered three martinis, dry,
You had a glass of beer,
My wife drank a carafe of wine,
Your wife remained austere;
This bar tab seems a little high
With totals quite unclear…

…So let's just split the cost in half
To make this less severe.

I had the lobster thermidor,
You dined on fish fillet,
My wife had chicken cordon bleu,
Your wife ate curds and whey;
I can't believe the full amount
They're asking us to pay…

…I think a fifty/fifty split
Will make it seem okay.

I loved my cherries jubilee,
Did you like your éclair?
My wife enjoyed her chocolate mousse,
Did yours, the Bartlett pear?
Those pastry carts need bigger signs
So we'd be more aware…

…I'm glad we're going to split the bill
So everything is fair.