aboard! I yam Ol' Cap'n Biff,
An' th' RUDDERLESS I
be th' name of me skiff—
Kindly step to the stern an' git moored in
An' I'll tell ye 'bout fishin' fer
men - likes I do.
I've been sailin' these waters afore ye
From the Berth of Perdition to
I knows every trick of them fish in the
So thar's no better fisher to teach
ye than me.
If it's Shallowtail Snapper ye crave to
Ye jus' cross-bait th' hook with a
big glob of sin
An' then dangle it lively in front of th'
They'll snap it right up! Down th'
gullet it goes!
When th' hook finds it's mark an' the sea
Ye kin use th' Good Book to whump
hard on its head;
I've hear'd they quit fightin', roll over,
an' float ...
... Tho' I've never quite gotten
one into me boat.
An' here's a grand tip if ye happen to
A Lost Mackerel school of th' holier
Persuade 'em their method of swimmin' is
'Cause th' fins they've been usin'
are too blasted long;
When they splash up a fuss, ye jus'
An' soon ye'll be swimmin' in
Yer young'uns kin feast on th' portions
ye,ll waste ...
... Tho' as of today I've had nary
Beware th' Black Swordfish whot lurks in
He kin slice up an' parry each word
from yer mouth;
Fer three nights an' a day we once shared
Whilst I tried to grab 'hold of his
If I had've knowed more 'bout th' wiles of
I would stayed thar a-scrappin' ...
instead, I released ...
Thar's no tellin' whot evil he's spawned
'til this day ...
... Tho' I've spotted him since, he
was too far away.
But as a landlubber, ye might want to
With a less feisty fish whot be
fainter of heart—
Some Suffer-Faced Flounder should suit ye
'Cause they hanker fer love an' bite
hard on th' line;
Once ye heave 'em aboard they ain't much
Unless coddlin' fish is a thing ye
With gentle persuadin' I've hear'd they
... Tho' the ones I have ketched
got all weepy an' drown'd.
Wal, God bless me soul! Twilight shadows
Thar's Groupers to gather an' Soles
whot needs fetchin';
We've wasted th' mornin' with seafarin'
Kin'ly untie me skiff once ye git on
Or iffen ye'd like, ye kin serve as my
... An' mebbe someday ye'll sail RUDDERLESS