I met the Lord the other night
 While warming up a pew,
And came away with soul redeemed
 From altered points-of-view.

The selfish life which I once lived
 With pride and self-esteem
No longer glittered in my hand
 Or lured with lavish gleam.

But how could I reshape my life
 Or hope to make amends
For all my years of posh repose
 Amid my snobbish friends?

Then like a bolt out of the blue
 The answer came to me—
I'd go into the mission field
 And give up luxury.

Excitedly, I grabbed the phone
 With unrestrained elation
And called a meeting at the church
 To share my revelation.

When all the elders had arrived
 And introductions made,
I took a breath and cleared my throat
 And shared the plans I'd laid ...

"I stand before you, gentlemen,
 To offer sacrifice—
My life thus far has been too lax,
 But now I'll pay the price.

"What I propose you do with me
 Is send me far away
To small resorts in tropic ports
 Where lost souls go to play.

"I'm sure Aruba needs our help,
 And Guadeloupe too,
The Virgin Isles remain untouched,
 Antiqua's overdue.

"I'll give St. Barts a shot of faith—
 At least that's what I'm planning,
And save Bermuda in my shorts
 (Or maybe less, if tanning).

"Oh, I can hardly wait to hear
 The sermons I will preach
While seeking sinners in the surf
 On some secluded beach.

"And if the tides will not allow
 Baptisms in the sea,
I'll gladly use the heated pool
 To set the captives free.

"I'll bless rude waiters with a smile
 And compliment each dish,
And when I sign the restaurant checks
 I'll draw a Christian fish.

"So please, dear brothers, hear my plea
 And lend me your support
By sending me to serve the Lord
 In every last resort."

The elders stared without a word
 Like time itself had stopped;
But I could tell they were impressed
 By how their jaws were dropped.

They must have sensed uncommon worth
 From all the things I'd said—
Instead of sending me away
 They prayed for me instead!

But sometimes while in Bible class
 I feel my focus lapse,
And dream of palms and sandy shores ...

 … Oh well, someday perhaps.