' Twas summertime of '45,
 The Armistice was near―
You wandered past my porch one night
 An' asked me for a beer.

You pointed to a distant star
 An' claimed that's where you're from―
Well, I might be a country boy
 But that don't mean I'm dumb.

I figured you must be ashamed
 For lookin' kinda weird,
So I just shrugged and bit my tongue
 And friendship persevered.

I taught you how to suck a straw
 An' chug beer like a man
Because your mouth was made too small
 To drink straight from the can.

Sometimes our singin' got so loud
 I feared we'd wake the dead
By tunin' in the radio
 On implants in my head.

But after 'bout a couple years
 The mood between us changed
'Cause somethin' stickin' in your craw
 Made you a bit deranged.

You never said what ticked you off,
 Although I think I know―
It ain't my fault you drank too much
 And hit New Mexico!

I must admit I laughed at first
 At how you showed your scorn,
Like writin' insults in my crops
 By pressin' down the corn.

But when my tractor wouldn't start
 'Cause all the wires were fried,
That's messin' with my livelihood…
 An' that I can't abide.

My daily chores weren't gettin' done
 Because of missing time,
An' what you did to my ol' cow
 Has gotta be a crime.

You told me once you came for gold
 To save your planet's air,
But whazzup with that anal probe?
 There ain't no gold up there!

The final straw was your demand
 To yield to your control―
No skinny guy with owlish eyes
 Is gonna swipe my soul!

So if you gotta sprout some ears
 I really think you should―
I'm only gonna say this once
 So listen to me good.

I've strung a fence around my house
 With lights to pierce the fog,
I keep a shotgun by my door
 An' bought myself a dog.

If you are really from the stars
 I'll put you in your place,
'Cause if I catch you snoopin' 'round
 I'll blast you into space!